Thursday, July 2, 2009


I am pregnant! I am a mother already although my baby girl is in heaven. I am pregnant again! I had a feeling on Saturday June 27th that I may be. My stomach just didn't feel quite right. I woke early on June 28th and took a test. I could not believe my eyes, but there was a faint line there. I woke up John, who confirmed that there was a faint line there. The next morning I woke up and took two different tests and they both showed positive. I was still in disbelief. I have taken 2 more tests since then and all have come up positive, I am still in disbelief.

This pregnancy is so wanted. I am trying to remain calm and positive. I am nervous and afraid. I want to know the outcome, and do not want to wait 8 more months to find out. I hope that this pregnancy is successful. I know that my last pregnancy probably would have been successful had it not been for the degenerating fibroid at 18 weeks pregnant. I tell myself that our baby girl Lia Rose was perfect, there is no reason why I should believe that this pregnancy wouldn't be ok. After losing a baby, it is hard to believe that.

John is very nervous too. He just wants me to be ok. I think he is afraid to lose me on many levels. Physically he obviously does not want to lose me, but there is an emotional piece too. I know that he does not want to lose me emotionally either. I am just beginning to get back to some semblance of my old, pre-loss, self.

I am feeling pretty well. I had a few bouts of nausea early on, many before I was even positive I was pregnant. I am tired already and my boobs hurt a little. They may not hurt as much as the first time, but I think they may have grown already.

I am anxiously awaiting my first sonogram on July 27th. That day cannot get here soon enough. My first doctors appointment is on July 31st. I still can't believe that it is real. I may have to take a test a day until the sonogram.

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