More

There was more spotting today, brown, instead of red or pink. I think it is old blood. I had a sonogram yesterday that probably aggravated something. I will see what happens through the day today and see if I need to put a call into the doctors office. They really have been great so far. The obstetrical nurse, who you can leave a message for directly, gets back to you right away. It is comforting to know that there is someone who can get back to you sooner than later.

I still hope for the best. We saw and heard the heartbeat yesterday again on the sonogram and I go for another in a week. It has been helpful for me to see this progression. I just pray that we keep seeing progress. I don't want to lose another baby. I think that after going through what I have that I could handle it, but I don't really want to have to handle it. I don't want John to have to handle it. I want us to be parents to a beautiful angel on earth, who will have a guardian angel always watching over them.

I talk to Lia Rose a lot now. I ask her to take care of this life growing inside of me. I ask her to make sure her brother or sister sticks around. I tell her that I miss her and wish she were here.

I hope for the best, but I think there is a part of me that still is not convinced yet. I am not sure if that part will ever get convinced.