Sunday, July 12, 2009

Feeling better

I guess I am feeling a little better. I am still pretty nervous. I haven't had any more spotting though which makes me feel good. Hopefully at tomorrows sonogram there will have been growth. I can be hopeful and say maybe even a heartbeat, but I think it is still too early.

I can't wait to see my doctor. I am nervous about everything. People tell me to relax, but that is a difficult thing to do after what John and I have been through. We do not have the warm and fuzzy happy ending of a 9 month pregnancy. We have loss and grief, that is what pregnancy is to us. It is like we are awaiting the inevitable like we can't possibly come home with a baby this time, but I am hopeful that we will. A brother or a sister for Lia Rose it would be almost perfect. It will never be perfect, but I will take almost perfect.

I think about the fact that if I did not lose Lia Rose that this baby would not be here now. I would have conceived this child days after giving birth to Lia Rose which wouldn't even have been possible. So, this child, who will hopefully live on this earth, wouldn't have been able to exist without losing Lia Rose.

I miss Lia Rose everyday!

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