Fear

I am absorbing the news from the doctor and I will be honest, I am just scared. I am glad that he is laying it all out on the table now, early in my pregnancy. These are the things that can happen, this is what I am concerned about.

I think incompetent cervix and I see my body not holding this baby until it needs to. I do not want to go through that again. I know the doctor will do whatever he can to prevent it.

I hear, preterm labor, and I think, I have been through that without knowing it. I thought it was my fibroid when really it was a combination of the fibroid and preterm labor. In retrospect John realized that my pains were coming in intervals, we didn't think about it at the time. It all happened within a matter of hours. I do not want to do that again either.

I am going to the high risk doctor in a week. I am anxious to hear what they will say and how they will handle this situation. I am glad that I am going and that my doctor is being proactive in his treatment of me. He has gone over some of the options and now we need to see what the specialist says. I will do whatever it is that needs to be done to ensure that this baby can stay inside me for as long as possible which is hopefully greater than 37 weeks.

I can't even imagine myself getting to that point. I am 9 weeks and a few says right now. Each day is another triumph, but I am taking it one day, one week at a time right now. I have my ultrascreen scheduled for 3 weeks and that is about as far ahead as I can look. I have 9 weeks to go to get to that point where we lost Lia. I am not sure how it is going to go. Maybe I will have so many other things to think about and worry about, or maybe I won't. Who knows...

Please baby...stay inside, grow nice and strong, mommy and daddy can't wait to meet you!